Let’s
be honest here: relationships are
tough. We are born into families without
our choosing, and we are called to be in familial relationships with people who
sometimes, well, we feel like we could just punch them out.
We
make friends. If we are lucky we make
one or two good ones. And these are
people who really, really know us. But these relationships take a lot of
work. Even when we feel we know someone,
and there seems to be no strings attached, we can still get hurt. But
most often the pain is worth it.
And
for some of us we marry or join a religious community. There are amazing moments where it seems like
everything is perfect. And there are
moments where we sometimes wonder how we got into these relationships in the
first place.
For
most priests the experience of the first few years of priesthood is an
education in how complicated and difficult relationships are for people—for
themselves included. Tears are shed,
people are let down, and yet we still continue to move towards others, for it
is how we have been created. We have
been created to be with others.
The
readings we encounter today show us that we have a God who knows how hard
relationships can be for us—just how hard it is for us to love other
people.
Since
the time of the Fall God has been working to guide his people into right
relationships: not only with him, but
also with each other. He gave us the Ten
Commandments, as we see in the first reading, as an expression of love to help us
discern how we are supposed to act in relationships. How we are to love God; and how we are to love
each other.
And
yet it is still so tough. Even though we
know the way to act, we still can’t seem to get it right. Oftentimes, it is not the short-term
relationships that are the most difficult.
It is the relationships where we are invested: the relationships where
we are committed for the long term.
In
my experience getting to know married couples from all around the world, there
always seems to be two different kinds of couples. Now both clearly have their issues. They have problems. They have had moments of darkness. They had moments where they could not stand
the other person. They love as best as
they can. But their relationships still
pick up baggage along the way. The
difference, though, between the two types of couples was almost always
this: some are able to work towards
healing, shedding the baggage that has accumulated along the way; and some are
not. Those that work through the healing
have their relationships purified and strengthened, and have a deep, abiding
love that mirrors God’s own love for us.
Those who do not drift further and further apart, until the bitterness
and discord have simply become too much.
I
think this is part of what happened between the Israelites and God. The relationship God continued to try to
renew with his people had just become too filled with hardship, discord, and
problems. Because of the actions of
Israelites, there was too much baggage. So
Jesus had to come to purify this relationship—to create it anew.
In
the Gospel today we see Jesus doing exactly what he was sent to do: he is purifying
the relationship between Israel and their God.
In a forceful, zealous and even crazy way he is driving the impurities and
the struggles and the hardships and the pain away from the from their
relationship, by cleansing the temple, to bring about something new. He is helping Israel to get rid of its
baggage, and to see that something new could be offered through him: that no matter what had taken place between
God and his people, the relationship could still be healed and purified.
We
are in the midst of the Lenten season. One
of our Lenten traditions is to be purified, to drive out those things that we
have accumulated that negatively affect our relationships: not only in our relationship with God, but in
our relationship with others. Lent is about clearing out the obstacles,
confronting the pain, healing the hurts, making something new out of something
that perhaps has become old, tired, and in need of life.
And
so I invite then, each of us here today, to consider doing the following two
things. It will not be easy by any
means. It will be painful. But just as God from almost the beginning of
time has called us to be reconciled to him and each other, he still invites us
to do the same today.
First, I want to speak to all
of us here who are sons or daughters:
this should include us all. We
all have different experiences with our parents. Some wonderful. Some not so much. Some people’s experiences have probably been
more painful than others. But I would
invite us to consider the following:
find sometime during Lent to repair the relationships with your parents. For some this might just be simply saying we
are sorry for something that we have done to hurt them. For others, it might mean something much,
much more. Perhaps offering forgiveness
for being hurt. For some this might be nearly impossible. In the end, it might
just be saying a prayer for them. But if we are able, during this Lent, to find
a small way to heal this relationship—then purity might be brought into our
lives.
Second, I want to speak to the
married couples here. I of course don’t
know first hand what it means to be married.
I don’t claim to know the joys and the struggles. I don’t claim to have many answers at all.
But I have had the chance to work with couples in many different stages of
life. And I would like to make just one suggestion. Either before this Lent is over or sometime
as soon as possible for you all to do this one thing.
Find
a way to get away from the kids. Whether
you can make it an entire evening away, or just one long afternoon. Go somewhere where it can be just you and
your spouse. Turn off the phones. Turn off the TV. Turn off the computers. Then sit together, close, and hold each
other’s hands. Look into each other’s
eyes. Then taking turns, one of you say
just a few ways in which over the last year you have been hurt by your
spouse. It is not about making your
spouse feel guilty or bad. It is not
about winning. It is about being honest.
As the one speaks the other just listens:
no defense, no rebuttal; just listen.
When your spouse is finished, then if you are able, simply
apologize. Say you are sorry. Then allow the other person to do the same.
When
you have finished take the opportunity to purify your marital love in the
perfect way that God has given you to purify that love.
We
all know that relationships are tough.
Loving is tough. However, we have
a God of reconciliation. We have a God
who purifies us, and purifies our relationships. We
have a God with the words of everlasting life.
