How do we learn to
love if love has never been communicated to us before? This to me is the essential question posed by
the novel The Language of Flowers by
Vanessa Diffenbaugh.
In
the novel, Victoria is a child in the foster system in San Francisco. She moves from one children’s home to the
next, and from one foster family to the next, never really finding a place that
she can call home, nor people she can call family. Because of her experiences
as a child, she is never given the chance to even begin to understand what love
is and how it can be communicated or shared in life. Instead, it only reinforces in Victoria
distrust, bitterness and grief. For
Victoria, the only solace she finds in life is her interest in flowers and the
significance, or language, that each flower communicates.
As the novel progresses and Victoria turns
18, it is this interest in flowers that gives her a chance to regain her
life. She secures a job with a local
florist, and then meets Grant, with whom she falls in love. Through this relationship and their shared
interest in flowers, she begins to find her own language of love, where she is
able to deal with some of the darkness and sadness of her past in an attempt to
take ahold of her future.
I
would highly recommend this novel because of the way it highlights the
following themes:
· Learning how to love.
Vulnerability and trust are scary and painful even for those with
semi-normal upbringings. For most of the
world that has experienced pain and suffering, loving becomes even more
difficult.
The beauty of The Language of Flowers is that it shows love is possible for
everyone. But we simply have to find a
way to learn how to love. Sometimes doing
something as simple as learning the language of flowers can help teach us the
language of love.
· Faithfulness in adversity: So often in life we find it easier to flee
from our relationships when they get tough. Or, we find ourselves alone after
someone has left us because staying together is simply too difficult. Yet, we all need people in our lives that
will stay even when it is painful. And
we, too, need to learn how to remain faithful even when leaving seems to be the
easiest choice.
This faithfulness in adversity is
emphasized in Victoria’s relationship with both Grant, and also one of her
foster-mothers, Elizabeth. Both provide
Victoria with a glimpse that faithfulness in adversity is possible, and that
she too can discover this virtue in her own heart.
· Anyone can have kids; not everyone can be a
parent. And we need parents!! This novel exposes the pain of the foster
care system, and how difficult it is for kids in that system. It shows the negative effects from children
being abandoned. But it is honest about
the downright sacrifice it takes to be a parent. And it shows how life is utterly sucked from
someone who tries to be a parent. But
kids need their parents, whether they are biological or foster parents. Parents will always make mistakes, but it is
faithfulness to their kids that matters the most, not perfection. And it is this faithfulness that in the end gives parents life.
In
closing, I would simply say that personally, this novel gave me a greater
sensitivity to how difficult it is for all people, myself included, to learn
how to love especially after we have been hurt.
It also made me appreciative of motherhood in general, and the intimate
and special connection mothers must have with their children. It gave me an
even deeper appreciation for what my own mother must have went through. It also made me think about how faithful I
have been with my relationships in the midst of adversity. Finally, it reminded that even for those who
have been ran through the gutter of family life and relationships, learning to
love can always be possible—it just takes one flower at a time.
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